一个伪文青真博士生的絮絮叨叨

It's been a long time.

It feels like a long long journey to get here.

It actually is.

Two years and half, that's a solid big chunk of life period.

I never failed life so badly before.

Literally screwed everything up, everything related to school I mean.

Well since all life domains are linked to each other. I cannot say that other aspects of life ain't as bad.

If you messed up the most important thing in your life, why can everything else be bright and shining?

Not a chance, right?

See so light in life, not exist in the current trap and see no way out.

That was how I felt. I felt like that, in the past summer.

Now? Any better?

I can live with my depression at least. She's like one of my close friends, the closest perhaps.

Afraid of receiving rejection from people around, afraid to express myself.

Something in the past childhood trapped me in this condition for so long, TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long!!!

I wanted to change, to flip the effect; I wanted the change to happen quick, immediately in the best case.

I certainly failed, and now I think about, I feel sorry for the counselor too. He who I went to see for a couple of months, didn't realize the hidden side of my problem with procrastination (Hidden mess would be more accurate considering the complexity of the problems). Nor did I do.

Now that I see the intertwining elements in my life story that have paved the road leading to the present situation more clearer, I hopefully will be able to steer my life back to the right track and be aware of the distraction whenever they arise.

Working on myself that's the priority task for me, of course, second to the completion of the thesis. :)

作为对最近自己状态和self-exploration的一个小结。